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Dating Games: Why you're getting mixed messages — Susan Winter

1746 ratings | 81785 views
All mixed messages have one thing in common; confusion. Whether that confusion is real or a game is the part you need to discern. This video shows you how to deconstruct an internal battle from a con to manipulate you for their control. Let me help you find (and keep) love: http://www.susanwinter.net/consultation/ Join my social media family! Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/authorsusanwinter Twitter: https://twitter.com/susan_e_winter
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Text Comments (193)
RJ Cooper (1 day ago)
I like a quote from a movie I saw and I really can't remember which one it was. Conversation: Lady: " I'd just like to know where this relationship is going." Gentleman: "Right now, it's going down the street to get burgers, fries, and shakes." Holy crap Susan, did you really say some dude spent $450,000 on dating? Do your clients include the Sultan of Brunei?
crissie rose (3 days ago)
very good advice thank you
Lu St (12 days ago)
but for whom it is for you, and the two do not suffer for yourself?
Mariacruz Rosas (12 days ago)
Wow. Thanks so much!!! Simple advice but yet mind blowing..."clarity prefers clarity." That had me shook. 🤯
Diane Payne (7 days ago)
I hate mind games,so glad i am single again.If a guy does this with me, i am gone play games with someone else.
Ann Harrison (17 days ago)
He's a player! Walk on, I would!
Leigh B (19 days ago)
I listened to this like 10x👏👏👏 Thank you Susan. I feel empowered!
butterfflyess (20 days ago)
another brill one
Barbara Brinkmeyer (26 days ago)
Hold thoughts stable. Focus on your life. Stay clear. Just move forward because anyone you meet who's already married is married and they are unvailable. Never go back to an Ex. Forget it.
Macro Maker (1 month ago)
you're exactly right with the it becoming a huge turn off, you start to realize why the confused ones are single.
jim stevens (1 month ago)
WOW. You are right on as always. Thanks.
RiemannFender (2 months ago)
You are awesome.
neuroticgypsy (2 months ago)
Thank you for this
Joseph Marton (2 months ago)
sometimes a girl can date a man and use him as a tool to get her husband or boyfriend jealous !!! so the man is hoping to form a relationship and he is being used for a purpose.
Naomi g (3 months ago)
I cried watching this video like I was in your livingroom. I really need to hear this today.
MinecraftersUnite! (3 months ago)
It's not just men who are pursuing an ex in the background.
Etienne Reyes (3 months ago)
Susan you are the shit. Hands down the best advice Ive heard, not just on the internet.
Jose Navas (3 months ago)
Thank you. As you said "stay to the higher ground" It wasn't easy at first..but worth it. 😎
Michelle Shelly (4 months ago)
Thank You Susan 🙏 Perfectly accurate and immensely helpful . Love your straight approach .
VALERIE SMITH (4 months ago)
This is the best information that I've EVER received.. Wow!!thank you.. clear n concise.. I love it..
aa (5 months ago)
You said something about older women in another video. What is the age when you are becoming an older woman, in general? You said something about an older guy getting with the younger 35 yr. old woman (in another video). But, is 35 considered young? I guess maybe it depends on the age of the person relative to the other person of ther age. A 35 yr. old is likely thought to be young to a 60 yr. old and a 35 yr. old might seem old to an 18 yr. old.
Monika Banger (5 months ago)
Clearing my sight like mirror
Dingo Jango (5 months ago)
Sharon Voden (5 months ago)
I AM confused....need more info...thanks Susan
Claire Fisher (5 months ago)
Omg great advice
Alex S (6 months ago)
Susan, how do you respond to someone to asks you on a first date if you are seeing other people (ie go out on other dates). Run from them or tell them the truth ?
Metalpazallteway (6 months ago)
20min ago I called a girl that has been going to see me play soccer 3 time's a week and I have been wanting her to tell me what's going on because she gives me mixed hot and cold days for the passed month. And unfortunately...she tells me the way she went about it is she's a LESBIAN. But I remember clearly, that isn't what I saw in her the passed month. I'm completely baffled... and Broken.
Tiziana Guerra (6 months ago)
outsider (6 months ago)
I had a crush on a girl. For four months I worked so hard to get to know her and I succeeded to get closer to her –as a friend. During that period of time she kept on sending me a mixed messages and I was so confused and irritated. Last week she told me she is going on a date!!
karakol86 (6 months ago)
The last bus mentality is dominant in my dating. I dont connect with a lot of guys because I know what I want and dont have time for games.
Veronica Vazquez (6 months ago)
Great advice!! Thanks.
Sandy M (7 months ago)
If I feel confusion I'm out... Don't have the patience.
Alexandra 12 (7 months ago)
Susan, you make things seem so clear! I just love your videos.
K G (7 months ago)
So how can you tell between the player vs confused?
Terrance McAllister (7 months ago)
Hello , I just started listening to you advice and I know this lady and she told me she's not ready for a relationship but in the same sense she calls all the time text but whenever I tell her how I feel for her she either gets mad at me or says I need to see other women and when I don't answer the phone she flys off the deep end. What should I do
Ashwin R (7 months ago)
Terrance McAllister If you don't know what to do, you're a desperate idiot. It quite obvious what to do.....
John Behneman (7 months ago)
I agree with you 100%. I believe her to be a player. Which is her choice? I am just going to focus on my dreams and goals. And empower myself to be best man I can be. Thus I will attract like-minded women into my life. And the payer will have to decide to get serious or leave. And I have learned to be happily single. Yes, I would love to find the right woman to share my life with. But I do not need her. Some people are very needy. That does not work for me at all. If you want to be my friend, you need to have your act together, or in the process of. Because I am worthy of a beautiful woman, who has her act together as well. Obviously, she does not want me or appreciates me. So time to move on to someone that does. Her loss, not mine.
Glory Grandeur (17 days ago)
why should u said u deserved `beautiful' woman while u r only emphasis the external beauty instead of inner beauty.
Doreen Cameron (18 days ago)
We shouldn't judge ppl or walk away so much drama
Andy McGowan (21 days ago)
Superb, totally agree.
James Swanson (7 months ago)
Accidently sent someone what I think is the wrong message while someone else who I like is playing hard to get, and so far, i have been really consistent with the one who seems to be playing hard to get.
egal (8 months ago)
I love your advice, but it's a tough pill to swallow. I'm 24 and he's the only guy I've ever had feelings for in my entire life. And your advice is to give up and move on since he's doing the mixed messages shit. That's really disheartening.
Zoteism (8 months ago)
5:21 The best advice.
Lindamij (8 months ago)
Love your empowerment videos!!! Thank you soo much!
Susan Winter (8 months ago)
You are welcome Linda
Stupid mind game! I hate it and it's stupid! Get away from me with that BS. I was raised to keep it real not raised to play stupid games! I've been through this my whole life from being use to having fake friends and at the end its just me. If this is the game you guy and girls wanna play then get away from me. When they can't keep it real with themselves then they're fake
BIG HORN MGTOW (9 months ago)
5 minute mark in the video says it all . Why waste your precious time? That's me, my time is valuable and I'd like to think hers' is to but if there's one thing that 'll put you on my shit list is time wasted. Oh hell I'm pretty much out of the dating game anyway, life is to short wasting it on useless dates when there's a whole world to conquer and a big bucket to do list.
donavin51 (9 months ago)
Keep sharing those gems of wisdom!!! I liked this a lot!
chicken lips (9 months ago)
Thank you for this 😙
Mac Bizzo (9 months ago)
I have constantly heard from women that some men are only available every 2 weeks... maybe this is a sign women can look for.
Glory Grandeur (11 days ago)
thanks, any other signs?
Rosalind Grimes (9 months ago)
I've always told him, your energy, emotions, and time are not with me, it's with that ex! He swears he doesn't want her, however, I don't believe that! My gut has told me!
Jan Roobrouck (9 months ago)
Every human being is fundamentally and deeply confused about what they want in life, so your advice only adds to the confusion and drives people apart.
Paula Dsilva (9 months ago)
My 3 year relationship was full of mixed messages... and confusion... I never knew if I was his girlfriend.... he could not commit to a text response... let alone the next weekend 😣 he went to dating classes for years... gave dating advice to all his female friends.... and didn't know his arse from his head in a relationship.... no relationship skills... no communication skills....was a crazy sad mess... we had the best sexual connection... but nothing else 😢😢😢 I tried so hard.... I really loved him.
Glory Grandeur (11 days ago)
seem like you gotta think like man.
[travelOgrafa] (9 months ago)
Clarity + clarity <3
Nikki Doe (9 months ago)
I prefer a mans perspective but ma'am, YOU nailed it!
Mehrnoosh Khorasani (10 months ago)
Ur amazing and Im in love with ur job thanks susan Ive been subscribeed for like 10 counselor but now that I found u Im gonna unsubscribe All of them I dont need their advice anymore ur the best 😍😍😍
ruby paul (10 months ago)
I want someone who is clear in his mind if he starts dating me that I'll marry only her & does not see other women apart from me.
Jojo (10 months ago)
This is amazing. Thanku 😊
Sabrina Conte (10 months ago)
Thank you Susan!!! Great video! Very helpful. No confusion. It is very easy, and safe. If I feel confused I push back. No confusion in my life. 😜
Egolum Kenneth (10 months ago)
I love you Susan... Thank you so much!
Michelle Zareas (10 months ago)
I would say, that technology has really changed the dating culture in our society today. Talk about game playing... Personally, I set these boundaries, and say next quite easily. That said, I find myself inherently single. I am pretty content with my alone time, but still. Wouldn’t it be nice to be in a healthy relationship? If only, people would set boundaries of self respect and be kind to one another, life would be so much easier! The reality is, they don’t. Honestly, I think they thrive on drama. I thrive on adventure and creativity! I don’t have time for drama, or energy at my age. Honestly, I recently went out on a couple of pseudo dates with a psychologist, long story... Lol. I seriously, cannot believe the unprofessional drama, which this person fosters on a daily basis with his on again, off again flame. I am not attracted to this man, so it is easy for me to say next. I was hoping to be attracted to him. I was hoping to date an adult. At the age of 50, I had higher expectations in the maturity department. That being said, I find it completely disheartening that a psychologist could behave so badly. He tried playing games with me, and I even made it perfectly clear that I wasn’t in the game from the get go. Just astonishing, really. You are 💯 spot awwwn, love your talks!
C Lynne (10 months ago)
Good stuff, Susan! Spot on; love the way you articulate concepts and examples.
Susan Winter (10 months ago)
Thank you C Lynne
Tracy Brothers (10 months ago)
Wow. This is informative in a simplistic way. No games. Great explanation and representation of getting clarity from within. Great points Susan!
Stef Into Fashion (10 months ago)
Great advice Susan!!! Thank you so much for everything that you do.
Susan Winter (10 months ago)
Stef Into Fashion thanks.
flowgo (11 months ago)
I met a man who was single a long time, NOT A PLAYER, I adored him, broke up the much sexier pLAYER for the down to earth guy. I came on too strong wanted to be with the down to earth guy above everybody else, and HE GHOSTED ME lol. I can NOT believe it. I am going back to being a player myself, booty calls and not going there again. I feel so hurt by HIM.
Susan Winter (11 months ago)
I'm sorry for your experience flowgo
Nik G (11 months ago)
thank you susan!!
Evy (11 months ago)
I love you1 Thank you :)
Susan Winter (11 months ago)
Everardo Gil thank you for the kind words!
Alexis McIntosh (11 months ago)
Awesome advice I'm going thru it now hot and cold situation
Donald Orona (11 months ago)
Hi. I like your advice! I’m actually confused about someone who told me she doesn’t want to fall in love never wants to marry again and does not want to be anyone’s girlfriend. She doesn’t show affection towards me when in public (like holding hands). We’ve hooked up a few times and I really like her! What’s wrong here?????
Susan Winter (11 months ago)
This one's easy Donald. Believe everything she told you.
Beej J (11 months ago)
BRILLIANT to see a therapist come online and not act as if she knows the secrets to all dating success. Having self -esteem and 'learning' is what it's all about. All we can do is get better at it ; ) God bless, Susan.
TheGoldenRose (11 months ago)
Fantastic insight. You’re explanations are so deep and the best I have found online. Thank you so much for posting. It has just re-affirmed what I believe xx
Susan Winter (11 months ago)
Aww. That's very kind of you to say. Thanks for the lovely messages, Golden Rose.
kez kezza (11 months ago)
Women like to feel varying emotions so need a man who can make them feel and explore them. So women confuse men by playing games/ testing them to see how much they want them. Women love not knowing so they can talk about what the man is doing to her friends, gets the attention she wants one way or another.
Krys (11 months ago)
kez kezza Sad when some man play these games and actvthe same as these women. I personally don't like feeling all these varying emotions but to each their own
Laura CA (11 months ago)
Thank you so much for what you are doing to help women decode men’s mind God is using in a great way.blessings to you😘👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Susan Winter (11 months ago)
Thank you Laura.
J R (11 months ago)
And you'll know how much time it monopolizes. Thanks so much.
Susan Winter (11 months ago)
True. Thanks JR
Tae Bond (11 months ago)
Susan I️ love your confidence Thank you Namaste 💕🙏🏽💞💜📿☯️🔮🕉
Global (11 months ago)
Happened to me aswell. First she finished it, then reached out a month later and then started acting cold again so I did the same to her and I left without saying anthing and left her to wonder. She asked what happened and told her about her mixed messages and I never reached out to her , I left that for her to do and then she started reaching out every month until I told her that I had no time to waste and play peeka boo and if texting is all she wanted told her to go and find someone else and to make up her mind or else leave me alone. A week later she missed video drop called me and said so sorry it was her daughter by mistake. I think she was trying to see if I blocked her, could also have been genuinly her daughter. People like these there is no need to wonder if or but or something else just one option move on with your life and date other people. Their confusion becomes yours. Simples
BeautyBeholder (11 months ago)
Oddly, I have found that the more educated I become, the more cynical my outlook and more challenging dating has become. ;(
Glory Grandeur (17 days ago)
Susan Winter (11 months ago)
BeautyBeholder It’s easy to get frustrated with those who are confused when you are clear. Thanks for watching my video, and best wishes.
care (1 year ago)
Tom Sullivan (1 year ago)
Men only play these games because it works. Men are simple creatures, we really are. If saying I like you lets make love would work, we would say it ladies. But women are complex. I personally don't do this because it is just too tome consuming, but it works with all my friends.
Gold (1 year ago)
I got to tell you I watched some of these dating advice channels because the dating has changed in this era and there's a lot of games and I got to tell you this girl is pretty damn good very clear and speaks from experience I hope you do very well you put the time in the energy into this this is your shit Boo ya ..gtg get some puu tang ;)
C B (1 year ago)
I hate online dating!!! I swear it's of the devil 😈
Glory Grandeur (17 days ago)
it's so true, don't know why...
J R (11 months ago)
Brooke C I sure felt like I met a lot of them.
doll girl (1 year ago)
Thank you Susan This guy would answer some of my texts then ignore some he would read them then not reply :( He said he wouldn't want anyone to put expectations on him when he's focusing on himself :( so ... thank you because you stopped me from msg him 🙂💔
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
doll girl you did the right thing. If it’s this difficult going in, imagine what it’s like to be involved.
PeaceFan1 (1 year ago)
Thanks so much, Susan ..Do all of these rules apply equally for same sex " Dating " and relationships?? I find it is more complicated in That realm!!! What do you say??!!
PeaceFan1 (11 months ago)
Thanks Susan, I have a " Friend " who is currently in a relationship and yet has been Flirting with me for a year, very Covertly, so no one sees but me but so subtle that it could go either way ... and they do the whole Pushing away while at the Same time, is trying to get me to pursue them .. for example : we Hug and as I turn and walk away, she takes her index finger and runs it down my back, in a deliberate way!! Little things like that, that Drive me CRAZY but she won't SAY what she is feeling, she is very Mysterious!! I was going to just ask her Straight up .. What Gives??!! I DO like her VERY MUCH and am SO attracted to her and want her but it is like she wants ME to make the 1st move!! Do you agree with me just talking with her and cutting thru all the BS??!! I need advice, I'm so confused!
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Yes. It's human nature, which encompasses all genders or forms of sexual orientation.
Doris Cruz (1 year ago)
I just discovered your videos! Thank you!!!✨✨✨
MrJayvigor (1 year ago)
love it
Lily C (1 year ago)
Pax et Bonum (1 year ago)
Dear Susan, thank you for your advice. Can you do a video on understanding female sexuality? Rumor has it that women want sex as much or more than man. I would like to understand this subject more. Thank You.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Pax et Bonum thank you!!
Pax et Bonum (1 year ago)
Thank you for your guidance and wisdom. Blessings!
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Pax et Bonum in all honesty, that’s not my area of expertise. I appreciate the request, but would rather you receive advice from a sex therapist or medical doctor here on YouTube.
R Baker (1 year ago)
Here endeth the lesson! Soooo true. I’ve been dating a new guy for a month. On our fifth date, and after having already had an upfront chat early on about what we were both dating for (agreed we both wanted a relationship ultimately, and decided to be open to all possibilities and see how things went between us) he dropped the bombshell on my about the fact he’s known since he was 12 he didn’t want to get married, and that he isn’t capable of having a long term relationship. ‘I really want to. But I don’t have the ability to. It’s never gonna happen for me. It’s never my priority.’ I was shocked! I took a day to think it over, then called and ended it. He was so surprised and disappointed! He wants to be ‘friends’ now. But tbh. As you said in this video, Susan. His behaviour has really put me off even a friendship. So I’ve walked. I am so clear about what I want now, I can’t bear to be around anyone that is playing with me or viewing me as a casual, short term piece of fun. It makes my skin crawl!
T Rock (1 year ago)
Thank you for sharing this message. You speak in a manner which I can understand and relate to.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Thanks for your comment, Terry.
luulips (1 year ago)
It's deep as I listened to this two or three times I realized that I was in confusion. My first time liking a much younger man. I had been fighting with myself about it the whole time. What will people say? Why would he want me? How could I have a future? I can't mess up his life: (as in one of your other videos). I can't have his children. How will he feel when he finds out I have alopecia and no hair? Of course I found a way to blame him for everything. Lately I've had some rude awakenings about myself. I almost feel I want to thank him because the awakenings started after I stopped talking to him a few months ago. He had no idea of all the madness that twirled around in my mind. I believe something about him and how I really feel about him I suppose opened up a whole world of thoughts and feelings that were buried deep inside of me. I actually haven't had a boyfriend in over fifteen years! Wth! My having alopecia is what kept me from letting anyone get close. I hadn't accepted it in all these years. Huge lightbulb moment. 💡💡💡
Juju (8 months ago)
luulips It's wonderful you found tour lightbulb or as Oprah calls it, the "A-ha moment". I love how Susan winters said we all should leave a "present" at the end of a relationship. That made so much beautiful sense . It will all work out..wish you all the best 😍
Juju (8 months ago)
Susan Winter Brilliant! Wow...: "leave a present at the end of each relationship"
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
luulips 😊😊😊
luulips (1 year ago)
Susan Winter That's so true that may have been its purpose. Its amazing when we have these awakening moments. This is a huge one for me. It brings bittersweet tears to my eyes as I think of it all. That's a great idea about leaving a "present" at the end of a relationship.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Dear Luulips. What an incredible share. Thank you. Just took real courage to write on apublic platform, and to admit to yourself. Brilliant work! This is an incredible advancement forward!! I think you should write him that note, telling him exactly what you stated here. I'd apologize for any confusion you gave him as you've now discovered that YOU were also confused. And thank him for the revelations that that relationship brought. I really believe in leaving a 'present' at the end of any connection. For all we know, that relationship served its complete and total purpose. Thank you for this!!
Marcy Allison (1 year ago)
I watch your videos everyday!! They give the strength I need to steer clear of my hot and cold player whether she is doing it unconsciously or not.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Excellent. Thanks Marcy.
K. W. (1 year ago)
Great video and advice.  I lived this back and forth mixed messages with one man off and on for about SIX years!  He pursued me and then got scared or whatever. Honestly, I wonder if he just found other women to keep busy with.  He'd hit me up when he didn't have anybody else to bide his time with.  We'd be intimate, then I wouldn't hear from him for weeks.  Pretty sure that's it, because after six years you get to know a person even though he was a pretty good master of keeping everything quiet and compartmentalizing.  A few years later I got a HUGE apology for how he treated me, he wanted to try again (maybe because he knew I was off the market, but he said he had an epiphany!) I forgave him. I broke off with guy I was seeing and we started dating AGAIN. He was better (maybe because he failed with his harem and knew I still loved him and was an easy sell), but I was on constant edge. I never felt like I felt comfortable with him; always in fear of doing or saying the wrong thing.  He still was not 100% in the relationship.  We broke up four months later right around the time he goes into his Seasonal Affective Disorder! We remained friends. Three years later he comes back again!  Seems like he's interested. I'm cautious but happy to spending time with him again. We do date-y things.  He says he's not interested in dating anybody.  (Not sure if you remember when I sent you the picture of him and another woman who he was dating, but "swears she misunderstood his intentions and he wasn't dating her!?)  Well, I catch him grinding up and kissing her about 2 weeks later.  He swears to likely this day he was never doing anything to hurt me.  I had had it!  I told him that I needed to walk away COMPLETELY from him.  So I did.  Finally!  He tried to keep in contact with me (privately, of course because he doesn't like to let people know his life. LOL!  More like he doesn't like the other women who he's playing know what else he's up to with others) but I ignored every reach out.  After 2 years he finally deleted me from his network.  Guess what? I don't give a crap!  Good riddance to him and his BS!Ladies, just be cautious of a man who keeps everything under wraps. It might not be much to worry about, but ask yourself why a man is sooooooooooo private on social media.  He's always seemingly busy ON THERE, but he doesn't post much and CERTAINLY NOTHING that would indicate a relationship he has with YOU!!  Why are you a secret?)I just want to say one more thing because I don't think you've touched upon it.  I believe, at least in some cases, they try to keep you around because they are confused and sometimes because they KNOW that you love them.  You are in love with them!  Everyone likes to be adored especially those who love the limelight (read: entertainers).  And to lose you means to lose the love you are giving them.  LET THEM GO if they are more trouble than they are worth!!
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
I'd reply. Be civil. Say what you feel you need to say. I'm suggesting this because you will see him at some point the future, and you have mutual friends. Handling this in a diplomatic, but proactive manner,  puts you in control of feeling comfortable when you run into him unexpectedly.
K. W. (1 year ago)
Susan Winter so I thought my story was over with this guy since he finally deleted me from fb about three weeks ago but I was wrong. In Monday he texted me as a check in (three texts actually). One asking he hoped it was ok that he texted me! I didn't even realize it was him bc I literally removed his number from his phone contact entry so I wouldn't accidentally butt dial him! Lol I've not responded. Do you think I should bother or just ignore? (We live in same town and have mutual friends)
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
K. W. Sending you smiles!
K. W. (1 year ago)
Exactly! Thank you also for the empathy.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
I'm really sorry for your experience KW. This sounds absolutely horrible. In a way, we've all been there to some degree. When your partner keeps you a secret—you've got a problem. Their excuses can be compelling and logical, and they can be quite persuasive as to the reasons why they "need" to do this. But clear thinking tells us that any person who's proud to be with their mate we'll gladly introduce them to everyone. I wish you well..
Jewely's Journey (1 year ago)
Great video. I have been seeing a confused guy. He is clearly confused & has baggage. I am not confused & I know what I want. The confusion has left me frustrated & I think I need to walk away. How do I handle the exit with dignity?
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Certainly. This way, your giving the needed information to make a change.
Jewely's Journey (1 year ago)
Thank you!
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
I'd sandwich your exit statement in three layers 1. what's great about him that you liked. 2. what you need that you're not getting. 3. thank him for the time you've spent together. That way he knows what you want, and why you're leaving. If he ever wanted to make it work he now has the exact information to make a change and when you back.
Willow1120 (1 year ago)
Thanks for the "empowerment" talk!  I always enjoy watching your videos, Susan.  Hope you keep them coming!  Have a happy and relaxed Summer.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Willow1120 what a lovely message! Thank you
A Life (1 year ago)
Brilliant one! I am about to remove myself from a situation where the person after wanting a genuine friendship has flirted. I accepted that behavior at the start thinking maybe he is willing to give us another shot.( I left him few months back only to realize that is him that I want.) Now I start to feel that is not healthy for me to tolerate that. I have learn a lesson, have been honest with him why I've done what I've done. And for me genuine friendship doesn't include intimate flirtation. So I really don't know what he wants. He doesn't share his emotions and he is definitely not my genuine friend. I feel the need of removing myself from this energy. Not easy though.
A Life (1 year ago)
Thank you. Haha...I did not see it from that corner. Could be possible. As he hasn't been nasty or problematic. A nice guy who walks SO slow to wards me. Thanks Susan.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Hi A Life. Did you ever think that maybe he's afraid to come right out and ask for a date? I've seen guys act like a "friend" as a way to get close to a woman. If you want to date him, I'd let him know what you're looking for as a mate. I'd tell him you like men to be proactive, and list all the otehr qualites you like. Then see what happens. At least you're clear.
GOC EP (1 year ago)
Brilliant Susan! Awesome! Theres these new generation of "love coaches" full of lies and games, they play with our need to find love. And you, you are honest, empowering and wise! Thank God!
thrilla72 (6 months ago)
Because unfortunately many young men have listened to well intentioned advice of being nice, accomodating, sweet, great listener and romantic to not get the woman they're interested in.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
THANK YOU GOC EP!! I really appreciate reading your comment. My goal is to balance the coaches that teach game, and assist individuals to create the type of love that works for them. So happy you're a part of my YouTube family.
Sacha Walton (1 year ago)
I love your direct amd clear advice. I am going thru the mixed signals on top of a rebound situation. after a month, he went back to his ex, but claims he believe he made a.mistake along with starting he realize he developed feelings for me and keeps contacting me and hopes the second chance with his ex doesn't work. the confusion on his end is becoming overwhelming. So your videos are very helpful
theone1836 (11 months ago)
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
(smiling Susan!)
Sacha Walton (1 year ago)
Susan Winter you're wonderful Thank you
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Sacha, please take a look at all my videos on wanting your ex back. Sometimes, there needs to be a break in order for the partnership to reconnect at a new level. Your job is to do your best to create a rich and meaningful life. YOU'll have to (internally) move forward in order to activate the ability to reconnect. Either way, you expand as a person. I truly wish you well in all of this.
Sacha Walton (1 year ago)
Susan Winter kindof hoping for a real chance. Unfortunately we rekindled our childhood friendship and we were each other's 1st kiss in middle school lol...have a great day
Maryam B (1 year ago)
Hi Susan, would you please advise or do a video on reading the signals of a co-worker and indirectly making them asking you out please.
Maryam B (1 year ago)
Thanks very much Susan!
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Great research! Anyone interested in dating a co-worker needs to know the rules. If there's any chance of conversation, go for it. Try to find commentary about his work, projects, or hobbies if he mentions them. Step 1: initiate conversation. Step 2: cultivate conversation.
Maryam B (1 year ago)
Hi Susan, thank you for your response. The employer rule for romance is that as it is not within the same department , for example, administration or accounting, then it is fine. I know this from my friend who is dating the director at that organization and she told me. As for complementing him, from past experience, I am afraid that I may seem too eager or give the impression of pursuing. I know that I tend to overthink and send a lot of energy towards someone I like. Many thanks again for all your great videos.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Hi Maryam. Great idea. I'm writing it down now. The one concern I have for you: make sure to check your employee handbook regarding an office romance. If all is well, then proceeded to flirting with your coworker by commending them on tasks well done and complementing them on their appearance and personality.
Bindoomatee Gunesee (1 year ago)
l love u susan,
K. W. (1 year ago)
Why would someone want to waste time with a player whether outted or not. Call them out or not. But don't bother with them for a real authentic relationship
Lisa Irions (1 year ago)
Like your other videos, I really liked this one. That's what I always say "NEXT" when I heard you say it was just total confirmation. Thanks Susan
chitown bella (10 months ago)
Lisa Irions *ju
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Hi Lisa. Thank you!! At a certain point in our life, confusion such as this is a real turnoff. No longer a teenager, there's no reason to not know what we want. If a date is confused, then "next" is the perfect answer!!! Take care Lisa. Great to hear from you!!
Mireille Claire (1 year ago)
I have someone who writes about every 3 weeks that he's missing me, after we've spent only 1 great weekend together last August (!!!) but he never asks to meet again... When he does that, I send a smiley and do some smalltalk. 2 minutes later I continue searching for a new date on Tinder. My life goes on and it's great with or without any guy 😅😊😋... but last but not least I like him, meaning the door is open for him as long as I'm free... I have to add that men over 50 that have gone through a divorce need more time, since they are very afraid to fail again.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Mirielle, you really exude confidence. I'm so happy for your. Also, you're corent about the divored men aspect. Not all, but many divoreced men suffer from their idealic dream being shattered. They don't trust, and are afraid to open up to love. Keep on shining!
ivka mamojkova (1 year ago)
Hi Susan, excellent video! You are so correct, reasons why someone is confused don't matter at all.So many couches take advantage of vulnerable human beings in this situation (in my humble opinion). Thank you for keeping it real! These people desperately seek for hope, in order to make the confused person fall madly in love with them. They are fed with advice like - mirror him, act like you are cool with that and then he will realize you are different etc....This is such a tragedy. Following such "advice" gives you false hope, it's a recipe for being dragged into very very dark world. By the time you want out, you are too invested to quit. It creates obsession to solve the mystery. But I believe that there is no cure for confusion of the other person.Nothing can make them see what you see (unless they want to). There is literally no other way to deal with it but to keep pure mind, kind heart and leave peacefully. Staying only validates their confusion. However, that is also the hardest part (in case you finally see potential and even start developing strong feelings). Strong self-awareness is a must here ☺
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Thank you, luulips. I appreciate this.
luulips (1 year ago)
Susan Winter Wow so true indeed
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Your words are very powerful, ivka. Sadly, you're correct. There are many good people out there getting confused and off course due to bad advice on gamesmanship. The concept of purposely creating mixed messages goes contrary to creating a real connection. While it creates frenzy of mental obsession, it can't create the basis of real relationship. Thanks for your insight.
Sharath Suma (1 year ago)
Thank you , Susan for sharing a great message . You have hit the nail right on its head . This is a very important problem ,which you have addressed here . I know this because I myself was acting as a culprit . Let me admit honestly , I was sort of a confused dater initially . I first met my girlfriend when she visited our college as a coorporate executive . I was charmed by the speech she gave . Her confidence , the way she carried herself everything attracted me and it was kind of a love at first sight . Later I met her in a function at my friends home where I found that she was her mom's best friend and a single mom . I was 17 that time and luckily I found a way to get closer to her (its a long story and I feel great thinking about it now. Infact I shamelessly followed her everywhere ) . But it took me good 2 years time to even have some meaningful discussion with her . She tried to convince me that I should be dating girls of my age but I insisted that I love her . She didn't blindly accept my statement . From her part she tried to convince me to back out stating that I am too young. Also she asked me several questions about how I will handle the social expectations , my family etc . THat was when I realized that I was in a confused state . I was not sure how I will convince my parents . What if they dont agree with my preference ? Do I have the guts to stick to my decision ? Even if I do my parents will be shamed by the society ? Can I allow it to happen ? Is it just a temerory attraction ? There were lots of questions in my mind . At that time it was just a first attraction and I was not sure whether I would be committed till the end . But good thing was that I didn't try to lie . I told her about everything my heart felt . I told her that I am in a confused state but at present only thing I know is that I love her and if I have to move away from her I would be deeply hurt .She didn't pressurize me , instead she told me that she admire my honesty and that she had dated many men in the past however almost all were dishonest with their feelings . No one was open as I was and that was what she really appreciated about me . I apologized to her if at all my confusion hurt her . She told me that she was never hurt but happy about my openness . She told that we can be friends and give it some time and see how it goes . Lets not consider it as dating . We spend almost 2-3 years and by now our bond is very strong . Now I don't care what my family or friends think about our relationship . Her support has allowed me to be firm with my decision . Last year we both and few of my friends in college were invited for my friends birthday . I went to Suma(my girlfriend) and asked her whether she was ok if I introduce her to my friends and she was very happy . I introduced her to my friends as my girlfriend and they all gave us thumbs up . Of course couple of exceptions are there who try to play us down but who cares when we are in love . Thank you again , Susan . The message you conveyed was so try and I was one of those confused daters :) but I dated only one person in my life and there won't be any more dates .
Sharath Suma (1 year ago)
Thank you , Luulips for your kind words . Unfortunately my story is going through tough times . However I am trying to correct it and I am receiving great support from Susan .
luulips (1 year ago)
Sharath Gopi beautiful story 💕
Sharath Suma (1 year ago)
Thank you so much , Susan . I was about to request you for the same . However you are always a step ahead . You anticipated it well in advance . I will for sure . If I have the support of my girlfriend , your guidance and the blessings of my parents I will do well in school and work . Thank you . You are a wonderful person .
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
I'm very pleased to read about your clarity and deep devotion ot this lady. I have a video coming out next week on "telling the parents" as I see that this is a concern of yours moving forward. Keep as you have been, and stay steady and strong. You're convincing this lady of your sincere nature. Also, continue to advance in life. Do well in school and work. Best wishes!
Reham Nahas (1 year ago)
this is me from now one, keep your priorities strait and your standards high always love your self and know what you truly deserve :)
Roman Ramos (9 months ago)
Susan Winter are YOU single? 🤔 honest question 😁
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Brilliant. Love this, Reham.

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