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Dating Games: How to Handle Ghosting — Susan Winter

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Ghosting an exit strategy used by the weak and cowardly to escape taking responsibility for their actions. Here’s how to see it for what it is, and reclaim your confidence in the process. Want more advice on love and dating? Check out my articles, books, and personal coaching services: Website: http://www.susanwinter.net/ Connect with me on social media: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/authorsusanwinter Twitter: https://twitter.com/susan_e_winter
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Text Comments (274)
el_chino_778 (2 hours ago)
Thank you for this. Needed it
reflux (2 days ago)
I met a girl and after 2 months she basically ghosted me. After everything, i still love her and want to see her again. Its hard to let go of someone you cared alot about and i know i will always have feelings for her. 💌
brent s (2 days ago)
How do you guys feel about, instead of ghosting, telling the other person.."it's not you, it's me. I need work. I can't do this right now." Keep in mind it is a genuine sentiment. Your thoughts?
Clara Cruz (7 days ago)
Thank you Susan, you are so smart. I dont even bother calling them at all. If it hurts i tell myself this shall pass. You are validating my response.💜
laurence apitz (8 days ago)
my boy friend of 4 years ghosted me for a year ... and he owed (and still owes) me money ... now he wants to be friends !
Dave (10 days ago)
I just read about ghosting in the newspaper today. In my own experience I think this had its antecedents with Generation X--I noticed this form of communication proliferated in the workplace over the last 5-10 years (along with the hello/hi/hey stuff) as a passive-aggressive way of saying "no," "I don't know," or "I don't care" by not replying to e-mails or phone calls in lieu of a tough discussion. Sadly, I noticed my own age group (Baby Boomers) was picking up on this at the time I retired, as well. It does not surprise me this type of behavior has filtered down to Millennials as described in the video.
Vee Tolo (13 days ago)
Ghosted after three years ...
Elaine Hope (15 days ago)
My love came back!!:):):) after ghosting for a month a a half!! Played it cool and he’s now missing me again!!:):): dunno what to think or feel but KNEW it wasn’t over!!:):)
C Connelly (15 days ago)
They always eventually come back after ghosting, but when it happened to me it broke the trust and I didn't feel the same about them after that, and I wasn't interested in giving them a second opportunity to do it again.
John G. (17 days ago)
Thank you Susan!!! I hope I don't sound egotistical, but EXACTLY!! My ex-girlfriend ghosted me after I finally expressed my feelings one evening which ended up with me leaving her home. I wanted to give it some time to settle and then the ghosting happened. Weeks upon weeks went by. You just made me feel so much better! Why?? -. Because when you put it into terms of "what would that person do??? " If things got really tough? You nailed it!!! How can I let myself keep feeling this way about someone when they are just such children about it all!!! Ugh!! And then I Came Upon This video and oh my gosh... So simple when you say it the way you say it Susan!! Thank you!! You're amazing. 😉
IndigoMonk42 (18 days ago)
I've said this before and I'll say it again..."Vanishing" is not as bad as this video is making it seem. What of the women who "vanish" before a first date? OOPS SORRY CAN'T MAKE IT! So by what the advice in this video is saying, I should just pack up my gear and leave? Funny that women do this as a shit test, and then leave it in the man's hands to recontact them after several days to ask them again! VANISH WHAT? Men may vanish simply because they really like a girl (AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT). I will say she does make a point that "if they can't handle this now then how will they act in a more serious situation" COMMUNICATION is the key! COMMUNICATION IS THE BE ALL, END ALL TRUMP CARD...COMMUNICATION HAS SAVED MARRIAGES!!!!! If you can't verbally communicate to your partner FACE-TO-FACE (this applies to both women and men btw) then you're not setting your expectations! Hence, you will be subject to stupid shit like vanishing...
Gen X Murse70 (20 days ago)
Susan, you couldn't have said it better. I have the same mental approach in handling cowardly behavior... It's not my loss. I've been around a long time, and I can take a cold rejection just like a cold soda.
Gail Robinson (21 days ago)
Yep, this happened to me just 2 weeks ago with my first love who reconnected with me after 40 yrs. I fell back in fast...thought he was my twin flame. We had an intense, amazing 3 month long distance affair...online and by phone. He made plans for us to meet in two weeks. When he ghosted, it was really devastating at first, but thanks to your sage advice, I climbed out of that ditch, dusted myself off, got out of my head and turned back to working on myself. I can finally breathe again. Thanks Susan, you are my Spirit Animal ❣😊
jim stevens (23 days ago)
Right on!
Ellafi Madiha (24 days ago)
I love ur approach ♥️💗
Michelle (24 days ago)
Thank you for making this. My ghosting experience is recent and I am still left in disbelief and anger as to why this person who came on too strong and said all of the wonderful things he said to and about me would do this. I have to come to terms with myself to just let it go, but it has left me feeling distrustful of people and more closed up to try and find that special person out there.
AO246 (1 month ago)
Ghosting really is very painful. It’s the feeling of ‘what did I do to cause this’ that’s so maddening. And the over-analysing the last message you sent them or last time you saw them wondering what may have ‘put them off’. It’s a coward move
Igor Mironoff (1 month ago)
Suzan, I have a phycologycal question about myself and if you can help me a little understand myself from just one story: I was on a plane from Calgary to New York, there was on the news that plane went down because of co-pilot closed his door without pilot and pressed leaver to lover the plane untill it crushed and killed all passengers on the board, I watched every single video and even black box that was released online just to know everything that have happened there on that plane while on the plane myself just before it took off, I wasn’t scared of the flight right after watching all these... I felt really bad about those people who died but at the same time wasn’t scared about my flight, why is that?
Igor Mironoff (1 month ago)
My question is why I’m not as other people who would watch that and would be terrified to be on any plane at any moment at that time till they forget, but yet I keep it bad memory in me and not scared at all, I’ve never been in army or somewhere where can teach me how to react, I’m just a normal person and would like if you can actually describe that phenomenon, you can make it in a video if you would like.
Matthew Blom (1 month ago)
I had a great first date with a girl, sent her a text asking for a 2nd. She disappeared, reappeared a month later and swore a technical glitch prevented the text from getting to me. We went on a second date, she said she wanted a third and would get back to me on her schedule. Poof, gone, sent one short follow up a week later...Never heard from her again. Lesson learned.
Dr.Cheryl Cuttineau (1 month ago)
I am so profoundly grateful for this video. A client I have known for 2 years ghosted me in August. I really fell in love with this person, saw a future together and working together to make the world a better place. They outright ignored a dinner invitation, so I sent a concilliatory letter, and nothing. Last night I decided to set us both free and let this relationship go. So distraught, overwhelmed and broken-hearted! But your clear-headed advice REALLY put everything into perspective. This person never loved me, and I do not deserve to be treated so poorly.
Dr.Cheryl Cuttineau (25 days ago)
Thank you for your kind words of support and encouragement, Ms. Winter. After 66 years of being happily single, I had no idea—NADA—of what I stepped into. I come from a traditional Southern family where good manners and hospitality are everything. To my shock and dismay, unkindness and disrespect are the new socially acceptable norms in relationships. After binge-watching your channel the last two weeks and bringing myself up to speed, now I understand why so many people are afraid of love and getting hurt and why they play these silly games. As you said in one video, 80% of the relationship pool wouldn’t know “real and authentic” if it bit them on the ass! I’m not so sure I want to try again. Time to lick my wounds and return to being happily single. Until the next time ;)
Susan Winter (1 month ago)
I'm so sorry for your experience, Dr. Cheryl. But I'm happy for your current understanding and actions.
1995 Wilton (1 month ago)
Susan you're so right! Thankyou
Jose Navas (3 months ago)
Professor Winter; I mean this respectfully. You are a very good teacher. When I was a younger man. I did ghost a few. Have accepted my part and owning up the responsibility of my own actions. I didn't have the courage to back out peaceably.
PsycheodeliaDelle (3 months ago)
Exactly! This happened to me recently and I completely ignored him. It helped!
Fluorescent Icon (3 months ago)
I love how you imply that ghosters are less evolved. This is something I’ve thought but never said out loud. 😂
msturner (3 months ago)
what if he disappear then poke back in time and time what does That mean
Princesa GGPO (3 months ago)
hes playing with you, cut off
amrinder singh bal (4 months ago)
hello everyone. I am from India I looking a woman for marriage or live in relationship.i don't believe in cast ,colour,age , religion.etc. I am a very easy going person after the relationship whatever my partner will say I will do it for her if she is from different country than it's also fine my WhatsApp number is 8109159618
Stoica (4 months ago)
I had no ideea about ghosting since this guy reach me in facebook...why is so painfull to be ghosted?I never date mens online.And i think it was a good choice.Peopele get comfortable online and forget that talk with real peopele... makes so ,,poor relationships,,we forgot our humanity...one of them.
Princesa GGPO (3 months ago)
I used to haunt my ghoster from time to time, hes still on dating apps for at least 3 years, because he cant get into relationships, and I feel sorry for him, its clearly a person that lacks responsability and maturity. At first I was shocked,it took me a while to recover from it, but like you, Im sure of who I am and Im the better person.
Stoica (3 months ago)
Thank you !for your advice and Princesa ,no he couldn,t made me to lose my confidence.I am quite sure who I am and peopele are free to like or dislike wherever they want.The point is once you such an; ntrest in a person and then go cold instantly. ....is your responsibility to get out at least with grace and maturity ....assholes ghosters out there...
Princesa GGPO (4 months ago)
Tell him how much indifference hurts, let him know he did hurt your feelings with his bad behaviour and tell him he made you lose confidence, but eventually you will recover, and when that happens, tell him to not dare to reach you again because it wont happen. Tell him you didnt expected something like that because youre a good person, and let him know You got enough ofhim knowing how bad his persona is. Youre moving to something that is better and you clearly dont want him in your life again. Because you want a MAN, not a teenager like him. Then block him forever and forget ofhis existance, he is the one that will pay the price later, because karma will remind him someday.
Flickering Ember (4 months ago)
I couldn't agree more with every word. Who needs enemies when one of your closest friends can ghost you literally overnight. FYI, the process of recovering from such cruel treatment is a form of bereavement because it is as if the person died overnight. Never a failure, always a lesson.
barclay banister (5 months ago)
Best relationship coach BAR NONE. I’m so appreciative of the one on one consult. She’s kind, compassionate and full of practical wisdom and guidance. Thank you Susan
KDAWG1287 (5 months ago)
This happened to me from my ex gf who we spent 6 years together. didn't even tell me it was over. yup people can really be cold.
Libi (5 months ago)
Soooooooooo true
Britta B. (6 months ago)
Many, many thanks Susan! I realize that Everything what you say is absolutely True! You Opened my Eyes!
Jane S (6 months ago)
I have to say, ghosting is totally appropriate behaviour in two circumstances: 1) zero investment from the other person2) triangulation - obvious dating other people and ranking you accordingly (wherever they rank you - first place? Oh goody, better work hard to maintain that) You don’t owe these types an explanation as to why you’re bowing out. They just don’t wanna be judged for their bad behaviour, neither will they course correct. If anyone asks, tell them.
Keahualani A (6 months ago)
I’m currently going through this right now and need help, the overthinking & my anxiety is eating me alive, we were in love & a 4 yr relationship, everything was literally fine and we just planned a weekend together a few days before he literally disappeared on me.. all I know is that he’s been having trouble w his mom, I don’t know if he’s hurt himself or in the hospital or if he’s just simply ghosting, do I wait if he ever responds ?
Laura Cassidy (6 months ago)
This happend to me. I made it very comfortable as well. He wpuld talk in person and show interest, then I ask him out online....reads it and no response. Saw him after acting weird and then he wanted to talk to me, so I flipped out on him and wrote that its not normal to act that way, that he should have at least said No, as that would have been the normal and decent thing to do. I haven't had a response and I'll be surprised if i get one.
verveblack (7 months ago)
I don't get this ghosting shit. Etiquette people!!
slangnocturno (7 months ago)
Hi Susan...thank you for this great video and wonderful video you couldn't said it better.Even though ghosting hurts like hell you have to dig deep and find a way to heal yourself especially when you got no one to talk to.This makes it harder to date or even trust someone... but I gotta get back on the horse and giddy up! A huge hug and much love from The Netherlands. Love you ❤
Ger R (7 months ago)
I love the "crack in a piece of china" description.
Cristina J (7 months ago)
People ghost because they don't know how to really handle true intimacy.
Lady Ashton (7 months ago)
Thank you for your wisdom! I was ghosted by three men!! I am over 50, and they were younger. I refuse to be desperate about it though! Your insight has saved my hurt feelings! One of the me man and I were involved for two years! He has a child, I have none! I was always understanding about his shared custody arrangement with his ex-wife too! I have made poor choices, but I deserve better! You have helped immeasurably!
Lemon castle (7 months ago)
Thank you Susan that was a lovely video on this despicable behaviour which is shallow and selfish and crule.
Jennifer (8 months ago)
Susan once again Thank you for reinforcing that we deserve better! It's all about manners and respect. If someone does not have the decency to tell me that they need space or that they're not interested in me then they certainly do not have the full capacity to give me the love and respect I deserve - yes a dodged bullet indeed. I know deep down in my heart I want people to be true to me. Which was why the other day I told an ex who keeps texting me same old stale texts "hi how are you" - I said to him that I don't want to ignore him without explaining that I'm getting tired of same old texts everyday so if he doesn't have anything more to say then it's better to say nothing at all. I said this because I feel it's basic respect to just be real about the situation at least now I've communicated to him clearly that I'm simply tired of us just saying "hi how are you... I'm good thanks" some people think I was harsh saying this and that I should just ignore him but in my opinion I think it's much more hurtful to leave things unsaid as I know the feeling of abandonment when you get no answer at all especially when you've known a person for while. People who ghost are just not ready to be 100% honest with themselves aswell as the people around them. And if you're someone who values honesty then for sure you have dodged a bullet when someone ends up ghosting you!
abel carreon (8 months ago)
@Susan Winters, what do you mean by "evolved?"
Priyanka Gupta (8 months ago)
Wow Susan I'm blown away by your perspective!Wooaah! Thats Sharp!!!!!!!!!!!!susan😄😄😄😄😄😄😅😅😅😅😅😅😅
Susan Winter (8 months ago)
Thank you, Priyanka.
kam B. (9 months ago)
This is a really healthy mentality to have when it comes to ghosting, I feel a lot better about it now, thanks!
J Park (9 months ago)
A guy ghosted about 3weeks ago. It was my first time who suddenly disappear without any words. I got hurt a lot. But your voice and the way of you talking make me cry. Thank you.
sophia min (9 months ago)
Thank you for the advice. Ghosted for one week. And then he sent me happy new year message.
Michelle Swift (9 months ago)
BEST video, makes me feel better, and it's been hard to find a vid that uplifts me from this psychological torture. My bf/fiance of 2 years just recently ghosted me last week, after PROPOSING marriage to me! It's been so hard, it's destroyed my hope, among many many other damages that have been done. I can't even put it into words. But ty, for this video... ♡
RetroGamer 64 (9 months ago)
That's a good reason to purchase a gun, and send them a picture of it
big B (9 months ago)
I was ghosted after two years
Cheryl Stewart (9 months ago)
Thank you Susan!
Julesy S (9 months ago)
I was talking to a guy online and it was great, then he started ghosting me and i found out he was married. He previously said he was seperated like me. I dodged a bullet!!!
Bumblybee256 (9 months ago)
Is it ghosting if they've simply stopped contacting you but you haven't been chasing them? Ie he's not ignoring me as I haven't sent anything to ignore
Atem S. (10 months ago)
it's a joke now!
kylie Williams (10 months ago)
Thats what happened to me Susan...i had a miscarriage and my ex left me..i then got back with him and he promised me he would never do it to me again. Then two days before xmas he ghosted me again. We were in a relationship for over a year. I am heartbroken but i refuse to contact him although i want some closure i realise the only closure i need is with myself, accept i made a huge mistake trusting this person and move on. Thanks Susan..your videos are very straight to the point and that really helped me xxx
Tactical x Recon (1 month ago)
How are you doing now?
j son (10 months ago)
You are the best advice giver on YouTube seriously.
Ger R (7 months ago)
j son Susan, you are the BEST on youtube. Thank goodness, I found you!! And somehow we all found you!! You are a breath of fresh air - sound, sane advice and reasoning!.......I'd love to see you have a friendly debate with Coach Corey Wayne who is here on youtube. You probably have heard of him. Does dating & relationship coaching for men/boys. Need I say more? :-)
Susan Winter (10 months ago)
Thank you!
Juliana Rainbowspirit (10 months ago)
Thank you for the switch in perspective I immediately felt grounded
Redfather (11 months ago)
I love ghosting it's so much fun 👻👻👻
Rosemarie_Fit (11 months ago)
My boyfriend of 6 mos did this after meeting my family. I’m so disgusted
Joshua Tower (12 days ago)
@Rosemarie_Fit That's when the stalking starts... p.s. Am I the only one who isn't jerking off right now?
Tactical x Recon (1 month ago)
Exact same story wtf. How are you coping now?
Ajst1987 (2 months ago)
Wow, he sounds like a coward.
slangnocturno (7 months ago)
Rosemarie_Fit Forget him he is an unworthy weasel.You are worth much more than that.Honor yourself in knowing you deserve so much more and that you are so much better.I send you a big hug from The Netherlands with love ❤.
Cristina J (7 months ago)
You dodged a bullet so be glad for that.
M The Omni (11 months ago)
This is great i feel like been set afree from this trap! Much thanks! Happy dating for everyone else that been ghosted just like i did
Susan Winter (11 months ago)
Fantastic!
Emad Eana (11 months ago)
I ,m surperised
Anna Anna (11 months ago)
I dated someone for 4 months and he disappeared. Very hurtful.
Malia Merlow (11 months ago)
You are SO BEAUTIFUL!! And sexy! And informative and kind to share all of this! So many need this advice nowadays and noone does the job as well as you! May your kindness come back to you💝
Daria Yurlova (11 months ago)
how about this one ...  a guy from work (we don't work at the same unit but we cross every once in a while), has recently asked me out and after the date he started saying how gorgeous i am, all around amazing all that stuff , showering with compliments, that he wanted to take my number for 4 years but didn't because he couldn't believe i was single, that he wanted to meet me again and could not wait to go out with me again, said once even that he is serious and not saying anything to flatter me and then after 2 weeks of every day texting and admiration he just drops off the face of the earth .. i didn't text him in all that time but we crossed at work 2 times already but never discussed  the situation and basically had a 30 seconds little nothing chat like nothing happened how are you? blah blah ... so i am sitting here scratching my head what just happened... i am thinking if we cross again i will ask him but it also feels weird now that we haven't really talked for a month! i already deleted his number but the situation keeps messing with my head ... i am like wtf? i think he is married or something like that, that would explain this weird behavior ... what wud you do?
C R (1 year ago)
I ghosted 2 friends from Facebook, email, and phone numbers. It was a one way friendship. I was the giver or the one that had to initiate contact to keep up. One exfriend only called me when he needed me. I only got a call when they needed something. My other exfriend never invited me to his wedding when I invited him and his parents to mine. Yet I was so called friends with them on Facebook. I got sick of being friends with them on Facebook but not in real life. They made zero effort in the real world. After many years I've had it. What's going on in my life is for people that are involved in meaningful ways in real life. I didn't want them spying on me and I wasn't interested in them or what's happening in their life since in reality I have nothing to do with them ever. I blocked them on Facebook and blocked their number. They never called anyway. It's ok to ghost to clear your mind from the past fake friends that are not real friends.
A.S.L. M. (10 months ago)
charles reinhardt I had similar types of “friends” long before any social media or online dating. They were always busy but remembered me only when there was a gifting opportunity ie wedding or baby shower. It was hard at first but I’ve become quite good at letting go.
whitelily3177 (11 months ago)
charles reinhardt I recently ghosted on a guy I was basically chasing for months. I just got tired of what I perceived to be one sided situation. So I just said screw it and went ghost. Very immature I admit. But I just got so pissed...mostly at myself, for wasting my own time. Sad, but right now I don't even want to think how my actions may have affected him...if they indeed did at all.
Cosmopolitan Bay (1 year ago)
This sounds like a variation of hot & cold or is it? They flee and enter into cold and distant mode when they sense danger.
Cosmopolitan Bay (11 months ago)
Got it! In my experience, however, people disappears when I call out on their bad behaviour and stay "ghosted" for a month or two. Then later on reappear and act as if nothing happened and never talk about it ... very mature indeed! :) Or is this perhaps not "ghosting" ?
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
That's a fair analysis. All game is a reaction to counter fear and loss of power. Leaving feels proactive, thererfor empowering. But ghosting is a lack of interest. It's not meant to engage, but to eliminate.
Chris Brown (1 year ago)
A guy left me after two months because he just wasn't ready to commit. He told me "it's not you, it's me." And after a few days I believed that he wasn't telling me the truth, so maybe it was me. I've dated around and they've just disappeared off the radar after a week or so and I keep thinking it's me. So the video was very helpful.
Susan Winter (11 months ago)
I'm happy to read this. Thank youl.
Su M (1 year ago)
Well after my engagement party in 2 weeks I found out my ex was talking with some girls and I caught him before that and we broke up but he tried all the best to get back to him and promised me he won’t do the same but after our engagement I found out by chance he was still doing the same online and he asked some of them to meet him and when I faced him he ghosted with no words didn’t explain anything so why he asked my hand if he wasn’t sure about us, I had to deal with this break up alone and told everyone that we brokeup..he hurts me in a very bad way and I still love him! He is 40 yrs old and he never been married before and all the time he made me believe that we were right for each other, I’m still confused and it hurts!
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Sorry for this experience. Wishing you well.
Tanya Briggs (1 year ago)
Thanks so much for all of this. It's a shame I NEED this much counselling. I feel better. God bless you!
Salvador Reyes (1 year ago)
I did this to a girl back in college. Something about watching her evolve to a bitter pit of despair, got my blood going. I'd read her tweets, check her insta, and FB, and see her evolve to such bitterness. Something people should try to do.
AD Jonathan (10 months ago)
Salvador Reyes lol El Salvatore you will never be free of her. May the 'good' you visited on others come back to you a thousand fold.
Daya Tom (1 year ago)
Thank you. I needed to hear this.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
That's great to hear, Daya.
Laura W (1 year ago)
Beautifully said!!!
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Thanks Laura!
inspiredinthedark (1 year ago)
Sadly, I was dating him for 14 months, then he suddenly vanished for a month (never had an argument, we clicked in almost every area, etc). I had to track him down to instigate the breakup I didn't even want, and he still didn't give me a reason for wanting to break up, let alone for ghosting. What kind of man does that? He's 35 for fuck's sake!
Flickering Ember (4 months ago)
I had it done to me by someone even older than that. Some people are seriously under-developed emotionally and it's not a reflection on anything other than that they need to work on themselves.
AD Jonathan (10 months ago)
inspiredinthedark 35 you say? Lol men in their 30's are still largely overgrown boys.
inspiredinthedark (1 year ago)
You are so right! It's such an ugly personality trait. I couldn't date someone like that again.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
I'm as stunned as you are. If your guy were 18, okay. Horrible, but somewhat understandable. You've been given clear evidence of a man-child who runs from what he fears. Certainly, the only blessing is that this is an automatic buzz kill where you couldn't possibly find him attractive any longer..
Ramon M (1 year ago)
Wow I'm soooo glad I found this, a month ago I thought I met a wonderful lady who I thought would be a potential long term partner we had good chemistry and an awesome first date and right before our second BOOM she ghosted me and since then she has texted and called trying to apologize but I can not give her another chance despite still feeling sore from this. Thank you for your words of wisdom
AD Jonathan (10 months ago)
Ramon M yea Ramon don't be so quick to judge. If she is trying to apologize for bad behaviour try to be magnanimous. You never know what you might discover. Some don't even try to apologize. It's your ego that's hurt not your heart. A hurt ego is not that serious.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Hi Ramon. Well she's certainly trying to make up for her bad behavior. She had to have had a really good reason. If you actually think she would have made a good partner, and you also feel that she's being honest with why she ghosted you, you may want to try and take that second date. Completely up to you. Best wishes.
Gscarlett Scarlett (1 year ago)
Susan I can't believe I found you on YouTube! It's been a long time. Hope to see you around sometime at L'Occitane. - Gigi
Freddy Munguía (1 year ago)
Ow :( I need a hug.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Consider yourself hugged (electronically)!
SW Sweetie (1 year ago)
Amen. Better to find out now if you're not dealing with a real man. You can't expect a man to have the stones to protect you in a dangerous situation if he's too cowardly to even call, email, text or send a smoke signal to let a woman know that things aren't working out. 😒
Redfather (6 months ago)
SW Sweetie protect you why would any man do that
Gustav Adamas (1 year ago)
I wish you would of explained why I am better off without them. Let's hear more psychology on the one who does it
Mysterious Beauty (1 year ago)
What do you do if the ghoster comes back in contact 10 days later as though nothing has happened. He asked when he can see me but I haven't replied. I don't believe in games/mirroring. But I haven't replied cuz I'm stuck on how I should reply without sounding so confrontational. I rather ask why he vanished in person. This was 5 days ago...I am stuck cuz if I wait too long, he might think something is up but if I reply...I don't want to act like his vanishing didn't happen. ps- he uses the textnow up which has poor call quality/calls drop so I am not gonna call him.
Mysterious Beauty (1 year ago)
ok that sounds perfect. thx.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
You owe it to yourself to call him out on his behavior. Ghosting isn't polite, civil, or fair. I know you feel reluctant to do this, but there is a way to be direct without being confrontational. Simply state that" Your unexpected absence was odd, and threw me off. My automatic reaction is to feel far less interested. I like consistency." You've told him what you didn't like and shown him what you do like. You never used the words ghosting, nor did you become confrontational. You simply stated the facts. Best wishes!
Exposing the Emperor (1 year ago)
I've seen so many ghosting from women these last few years. I think social media plays a role. I'm glad I found this video, I now know it's not me. Thanks!
Lemon castle (7 months ago)
It's modern technology, phones and internet websites, it's made evryone shallow it's absolutely dreadful for society but NO one seems to see this, so glad to have found this video that someone shares same viewpoint as me.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
I marvel at our lack of civility these days. The fact that we've developed a word (ghosting) for bad social behavior is so strange to me. But, it is the world in which we live— so it's best we know how to handle it. Thanks for your input.
Mysterious Beauty (1 year ago)
And by the sounds of it, it sounded like it was just a doctor's note for one day. So, I knew it wasn't life threatening and I think he just called in sick that day because he didn't feel like going to work.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
At least you have something to go on now. I wish you well.
Deaundra Brown (1 year ago)
I feel so used, I helped this guy out so much when he was down on his luck and lost his job. Then one day we got into an argument and he just disappeared. It has been 4 months and I still have not heard from him. I just don't understand how you can up and leave someone who was good to you 😢
Ger R (7 months ago)
He was a user/player and you were too nice.
Sandra Jefferson (11 months ago)
You can do better, move on and never do anything for a man who isn’t your husband
YZFMANIAC08 (11 months ago)
Deaundra Brown cowards will never be missed
Mysterious Beauty (1 year ago)
How do you tell if the boyfriend is just in his man cave/needs time for himself vs. ghosting? It has been 6 days and I'm mind boggled. Dated 3 months and things were fine. How long do I wait till I know he's a goner? I tried contacting him 3 days in a row, asking what was up but also made sure I said I loved him & missed him. So even thou I'm pissed...I clearly was nice so he wouldn't be scared contacting me.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Best wishes!!! And thank you.
Mysterious Beauty (1 year ago)
OK thanks. I will do one more time- if no reply...nothing I can do about it. I am depressed over him but it is what it is. I love your videos. Keep up the good work.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Mysterious beauty–this is why answers online are difficult for me. The last answer I gave you was according to the last information I received. This information changes the entire picture. I suggest you call him, leave a voice message and ask him what's going on.
Mysterious Beauty (1 year ago)
Actually, we were exclusive from the start. He wanted us to move in together but I said I will not unless I'm married or engaged. He wanted us to look at rings last weekend. As far as I know, there weren't others. But I can't say either because we live one hour apart in the big city of Toronto. I dont think he was using me cuz he has bought me gifts before. What I didn't understand is why he didn't even have 25 dollars. But I agree with you, something doesn't feel right about this whole situation.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Mysterious Beauty, this information is a red flag. I don't like this at all (for you). How dare her ask for money and when you turn him, down, ghost you?? His behavior is not correct. You need to rethink this entire relationship. Sorry to tell you the truth, but whenever money comes into the situation too early in the relationship—it's a huge red flag and there's an agenda. I would walk away from this one. And congratulations on not giving him the money when pressed to do so!! Yay. You have boundaries and self-esteem!!
Garland FX (1 year ago)
The kindof people who do this are either A. Cheating on you, or B. are way too insecure to deal with telling you the truth. It's bullshit because they're avoiding hurting themselves by avoiding telling you the truth that will more than likely disappoint you. They don't want to bear the brunt of what they're doing to you, so I say let them know exactly how much it hurts you, even if they aren't reading or listening. Then delete their number and walk away.
AD Jonathan (10 months ago)
YZFMANIAC08 I disagree. Let them know they acted dishonorably and childish and how it feels. They will remember your words when they find themselves in the same situation by another. That should correct the behaviour.
YZFMANIAC08 (11 months ago)
Don’t let them know it hurts you, emotional vampires feed on these emotions since they are damaged themselves
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Garland FX bingo! You've got it. Or, self-involved egotists. There's no excuse for poor manners.
Garland FX (1 year ago)
Some people are just plain old pussies, it's common. When they do this to you, just act like they're still listening and either tell them exactly how you feel and walk away, or ghost them back. Also make sure you keep any nude photos theyve sent, because you can always remind them that you can post them online for them. They're trash and they deserve it.
Mercedes Miller (1 year ago)
im so tired of this happening . all a guy would have to do is say "hey im not interested " or "go away i dont like you " and i would say ok and leave it at that. the first time it happened i searched obituaries and accident reports thinking the guy had died or something . after sooooo many more ghostings I figured out that this is just What guys do . i wish i could figure out what was wrong with me. I know im not very pretty but i think i at least deserve a good bye
pittbullbill (10 months ago)
tosca donna theres nothing wrong with you. And you did deserve to be told the truth. Its not you its them. Everyone deserves to be treated like a human being.
Malia Merlow (11 months ago)
Mercedes Miller the wierd thing is they find u pretty to begin with and then what!? Its use and abuse society.
tosca donna (1 year ago)
Mercedes, there's nothing wrong with you. I've been ghosted by every single guy I've dated for the past decade. They pretend to care, come on strong, say all the right things, and then once they know you like them, they leave. It's a game to them.
TheLovechild78 (1 year ago)
thank you. have a wonderful evening.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Same to you thelovechild78.
TheLovechild78 (1 year ago)
Susan, thank u very much. I had that to happen to me 3 weeks ago. I didn't know what I did or said. But, I thank u for this. He was the perfect person at that time and date. after the first date he ghost on me. So, now he can stay a ghost
Helen Chen (8 months ago)
that’s exactly how I felt about my so called boyfriend that I broke up with; he isn’t worth the unnecessary pain so I unfollowed and block his terrible ass.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
TheLovechild78, YOU didn't do anything wrong. He did. We always think that (somehow) we caused the ghosting. He avoided the uncomfortable task of having to directly say that he'd either met someone else or didn't want what you wanted. That's it. His lack of courage and ethics. Not on you. Not your faulty. Not your causation.
Drawn To Life (1 year ago)
Thank you Susan, God bless you for helping people to get through this. It hapenned to me. I wasn't expecting and I am still torn because of it, and I feel very vulnerable and ashamed, but I know I wont fix the person and I have to move on because now I know I'm worth of love, I am just not prepared to just pretend like nothing hapenned, but I will have much more care from now on. I still think that day was beautiful and it did kindled my heart in many good ways, so I wanted the person who did ghosting to me to know that and so I tried to be gentle with him in showing how did he hurt my spirit, because I wish he doesn't do this again to another person and if others done to him, if already not, to let him prepared. Best wishes!
AD Jonathan (10 months ago)
Drawn To Life wow I wish you luck with this new person because this other guy is still very much in your head.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Drawn To Life i'm happy that all this has come to a positive outcome. I wish you the very best!
Drawn To Life (1 year ago)
Update: since you helped me so much, I wanted to come back and say that, I met someone really special and much better in every way that I completely forgot about my ghoster, he means nothing now and Im so glad he did that to me, so fate did arrange for us to meet !!! Also, I sent him pictures and videos showing how happy I am now, just to let him know! And I did blocked and deleted him forever from every form of contact since he refused to do so!!! Best and funny thing is: I did let him know I know he is still single because I made a fake to troll him, we had some conversations about a new date and just shortly I did reveal myself, told him about what hapenned after I found this new guy, I did send him videos e pictures of us, as a proof, and then I made it clear I was grateful to him about how he did vanished of my life.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
I wish you ongoing realizations of contentment and your tremendous worth. Thanks for this share, Drawn To Life.
Drawn To Life (1 year ago)
After your fantastic video about safe cracking the human heart, I finally said goodbye to him as I was not expecting any kindness from him anymore. He is afraid to answer and I wont chase him anymore. By now he does not have anything to say or no way to explain himself, but I wish I affected him in a good way so now he won't do this to others, as I believe he only did it because someone did hurt him so much before and so many times, he thinks its ok to act this way. I have my fault too because I was looking for love in the wrong place (dating app). We're both better people now and everything will be fine, at least on my side. I was holding into something that was holding me in this. "For just a Skyline Pigeon Dreaming of the open Waiting for the day That he can spread his wings And fly away again Fly away, skyline pigeon fly Towards the dreams You've left so very far behind" Now I understand the meaning of those lyrics, its absolutely beautiful to be free and be able to fly again. Thanks for all your support
Hannah Hughes (1 year ago)
A guy I've been talking to for almost 6 months ghosted on me yesterday. It really confused me because we were talking so well a few days prior to his cowardly act and he showed no signs of a red flag. If anything, he initiated the talking at the beginning, and was really interested in me. It's so shocking how somebody who you would think displayed all the right characteristics can go back on their words. I am now blocked off of every social media platform you can imagine, and he even changed his number. Ive been feeling sorrow, anger, you name it since yesterday and I'm so fortunate I found this video because everything you said is so true! thank you so much for this! I'm so ready to move on and continue to live life :)
Redfather (6 months ago)
Hannah Hughes he probably played you like a fool
goodhot1234 (1 year ago)
Thanks so much you give me back what he take !!
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
I couldn't have read a sweeter message. Thank you for those warm words.! goodhot1234.
gashinaya (1 year ago)
Was ghosted by my ex two months ago and it still hurts every single day. I just don't get it.
Ger R (7 months ago)
Helen Chen Agree. Every "man" knows EXACTLY what they are doing. There is no good excuse in my book.
Helen Chen (8 months ago)
they’re senseless jerks would enjoy manipulating you
Diana Flinn (1 year ago)
When ghosted, I do not want to reach out to them - but then again, there is that hope they will come back once they see you are not pursuing. What if they ghost and never come back? It's like a catch 22. Flee and they follow, follow and they flee....but when they ghost, sometimes they do not come back to follow? I get scared when ghosted. I always question myself and my actions. (Okay I do not get ghosted on a regular basis - but I just got ghosted for the 2nd time, with 15 years between the ghosters).
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
They can ghost and later sniff around again, or ghost and leave for good. Either way—you don't want them.
Elisa X (1 year ago)
Great advice
Lisa Hoang (1 year ago)
Thank you Susan for this video. I'm trying so hard to get over this and move on from being ghosted, I keep replaying our last conversation in may head. My 11 year marriage ended and I met someone online who helped me deal with my break up, having late night talks and after three months of calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend I decided to meet him. Flew to the other side of the world to see if we had the same connection in person, it was great (some times were hard as he has some issues but we dealt with them). But after one conversation where I was confused about whether we had a future, he seemed upset. After a long pause he said he loved me and was willing to make us work. But then he vanished, ignoring my texts and calls. I keep wondering if he lost interest because I got concerned about our future and was disappointed that he didn't pass a job interview. I can be quite harsh, which I need to work on.
Lisa Hoang (1 year ago)
Hi Susan, thank you for replying so soon. I appreciate your advice and will do my best to move on. It's been such a tough year and I finally thought happiness was round the corner. I still wonder about that mate, guess I still want closure. But your words have encouraged me to move in the right direction. My husband also doesn't make things easier, he says he still loves me but doesn't want to be with me right now (which is why we separated in the first place). Anyway I'm going to focus on me now and then take it from there. Thanks again Susan!
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Hi Lisa. You did something that traditionally has very low odds of winning. You began a virtual love affair. Terrific that you met face-to-face as that's rare. iI'd look at this mate as your BandAid. He repaired you enough to stabilize you and help you heal. I'd think of him for nothing beyond that and move forward with someone within your area. (p.s. It wasn't anything you did, or didn't do!).
Beautiful Life (1 year ago)
Susan this is what I am going through
Beautiful Life (1 year ago)
it really did susan but today i found out he has changed his number and thats put me down even more now
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Hope this video helped.
anna (1 year ago)
nice living room. I think I will be by myself forever. No same level mate for me so far..just me acting out on my feelings for some incompatible men...
My Therapy (1 year ago)
Yep I guess this is the terminology 'ghosted' I'm suffering through right now from someone I am very close to and it hurts like hell emotionally and is messing up my head mentally. I'm resisting the urge to turn up at his place to find out why he's doing this to me... maybe deep down I know, I just want to cry my eyes out this is just cruel.
My Therapy (1 year ago)
Thanks Lexilea68 I help this person with so many things...it's unbelievable
Lexilea68 (1 year ago)
My Therapy This feeling will pass. Keep your self esteem. Don't chase. You may be met with a threat to file a RO on you then you will feel even worse. Don't give this emotionally ill person a chance to stab you.
My Therapy (1 year ago)
I feel physically sick and depressed
Hdhd5 Hdhdg (1 year ago)
check
Katka (1 year ago)
Thank you very much for this video... It happened to me and took me very long time to understand. But you are right. Love your videos....
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Thank you Katka!

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