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How Do You Fuck Up Tetris? (The Jimquisition)

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http://www.patreon.com/jimquisition http://www.thejimquisition.com http://sharkrobot.com/collections/jimquisition-merch This week, we look at the horrible ways in which publishers have mutilated Tetris over the past few years. A game so simple and codified, it should be impossible to screw up, this industry has nonetheless given it a damn good go.
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Text Comments (2763)
MegamanXfan21xx (23 days ago)
This is extra funny after seeing the announcement of Tetris Effect, which is the exact opposite of what EA and Ubisoft did with it. It's still just Tetris, but with a phenomenal visual style and an interesting time-stop mechanic you can easily ignore.
THIEF (1 month ago)
Thank god for Jim Sterling.
Mrnintendobuster (3 months ago)
My favorite part fuck Konami news hell yeah
K Håland (3 months ago)
People like retro stuff too. They could probably release the original tetris and make lots of money just from nostalgia
FireOccator (9 months ago)
Ubisoft probably uses a streamlined process where there isn't a single person who knows what's going on.
RollingTheRock (11 months ago)
Favorite episode right here I like to come back to this one every time an EA or Ubisoft is announced. It reminds me that the bar is so low that its logistically possible Tetris can be fucked.
Forrest Hecker-Johnson (11 months ago)
how do you screw up a re-release of a game that came out on the NES, a device that has less processing power than A FUCKING SMART WATCH!?
The Original Gamer (11 months ago)
Who's the tard who plays Tetris like shit?
Austin Huber (11 months ago)
I like to imagine that it's Jim Sterling singing in the intro.
EAPvideoz (11 months ago)
I think SEGA should just buy the Tetris license if they had the money and legal rights to. Puyo Puyo Tetris was the best Tetris in years, next to other semi recent games like Tetris DS and Tetris Party. If more people buy Puyo Puyo Tetris rather than EA or Ubisoft Tetris, we will likely see more great Tetris games in the future.
Grenadeh (11 months ago)
What's sad is I actually have played this version and he's not lying, it was so awful.
SilentMott (11 months ago)
Downloadable content?! What do you download a new fucking shape?!
The0riginalTwo (11 months ago)
Happy birthday jimmyboy
John Squarez (11 months ago)
Your right. Arkham Knight is terrible.
Chainsaw Surgeon (11 months ago)
I feel ashamed it took me about 10 seconds to get what you were implying with the Ultra Greed fight.
KineticRhyme (1 year ago)
I thought he was talking about it figuratively ("taking simple concepts and fucking them up") I was wrong.
A1Golden Runner (1 year ago)
that Isaac gameplay both made me smile and cry inside because I am terrible at greed mode
Ranen Chancelor (1 year ago)
Namco Bandai didn't destroy Bomberman, it was..Hudson Soft..
My dad, who is nearly 50 mind you, had no idea what Tetris is, he grew up in the era of Tetris for gods sake.
Joma Hawk (1 year ago)
Watching this in July of 2017. If only Jim knew what was coming....if only we all knew...
PISTOL1337PETE (1 year ago)
the truth spoken at last
Jin Shirato (1 year ago)
lets see if they can fuck up checkers, or the simplified chess!!
Able Baker (1 year ago)
Slave Tetris? Dafuq?! Gosh I wonder why that never caught on? Seriously? Somebody was sitting at their desk one day and said, "Oh I've a great idea... Tetris... but instead of brightly colored blocks we celebrate the barbaric practice among 17th Century slave traders of seeing how many human beings we can cram, sardine like, into the squalled conditions of a ships hold on their way to being used like pack mules." Even worse... Somebody else said, "...damn, that's awesome... get a team together and run with it."
HUGE JACKMAN (1 year ago)
Games and Movies, premote first, plan second, create last
Kevin Miedema (1 year ago)
tetris is the OG of games
Frooty Ram'n (1 year ago)
who recorded this shit tho? was it Jim? can Jim even hard drop?
CwalkPinoy (1 year ago)
ok, i was ok when they fucked up dead space. i was ok when they fucked up e3. i'm not ok when they fuck up tetris. tetris is my life.
tfw you make a shitty tetris following a java tutorial and it's still better than Ubisoft or EA
Grimmb0mb (1 year ago)
I still have the EA mobile Tetris on my tablet unfortunately. There's just this one really good song on it and I kinda don't want to not be able to hear it sometimes. I've always had a huge love of video game music but I am an absolute parody of myself at this point.
Sincere Flowers (1 year ago)
Back when The Jimquisition was still good.
Andrew Kaser (1 year ago)
Your quote at the end sums up my thoughts perfectly. "So I ask the same question I started with: 'How could you fuck up Tetris?' And I answer that with another question: 'If your today's AAA gaming industry, how could you NOT?'"
Troll Son (1 year ago)
Still waiting for a leaked webcam footage of Jim fucking a handful of his own shit, some day.
NintendoProdigyC (1 year ago)
play puyo puyo tetris
SlySpaceChicken (1 year ago)
And then Sega Released Puyo Puyo Tetris and all was well. You know it's bad when you're redeemed by SEGA... SEGA!
Stefan Hohnwald (1 year ago)
My guess is that they packed Tetris so full of background-drm and stuff that analyses the players behavior to the point that every few seconds when it tried to send data to Ubis servers it'd lag and stutter until it sent everything. Remember when Assassins Creed Unity (or whatever AC that was, i don't care) had framerate issues because every few seconds it tried to send data to the Ubisoft servers and hacking the game to avoid that server connection made the fps stable?
Cracker Jack (1 year ago)
I wish we could all unite and refuse to buy any more products from these companies, so that they get the fucking picture.
sinicalypse (1 year ago)
anyone else come here just to hear the proper drill queen intro music? (*clapclap clap*)
sinicalypse (1 year ago)
also, jim spending 10mins on his knees = i reckon this is how he properly pays tribute to the salami that he's about to consume on his "manwich" #NumberOneKissboy
MemeMan (1 year ago)
DLC for tetris?! lmao
Vollification (1 year ago)
Fucking up Tetris? The original damn game ran on technology comparable to a soviet calculator!
MarcusTheAbsolute (1 year ago)
Is it wrong that I started laughing uncontrollably at the mention of Tetris having a FUCKING LEVELLING SYSTEM!!!! I was about a split second from dying due to lack of oxygen at that very moment. Listen, I know this is an era of sensitivity and political correctness, but if someone would kindly just bring a small pile of nuclear bombs to EA and Ubisoft and threaten to detonate it unless the biggest morons in the company are pointed out and ritually sacrificed by their co-workers (because they know who the biggest idiots are), I do believe that the world would be a better place for it.
i feel like a LOT of people had a problem with that Kylo better than Darth Vader Comment.
Tim Freborg (1 year ago)
"This may be one of the last Fuck Konami News we ever have to do.WHo knows? This may be the end of a (relatively small) era." Oh Jim. Oh, you poor dear...
Dare Run (1 year ago)
Jim Sterling was God's New Year's Resolution for 1984.
MaturedSinner (1 year ago)
Happy Birthday Jim
Back Nforth (1 year ago)
how to fuck up Tetris 1. Hire a bunch of desperate college grads. 2. tell them to make tetris, but with pazazz. 3. hold their paychecks. 4. tell them that the company don't have money. 5. go to vacation in venice. 6. come back to hire a new batch of desperate college grads. 7. repeat.
Jamie Krutzfeldt (1 year ago)
what the hell?
Do Not Pirate (1 year ago)
tetris friends
Jeonghu Tami Lim (1 year ago)
Here's food for thought, dlc for tetris.
fun and reviews (1 year ago)
video go out for anyone else?
Pugiron (1 year ago)
Thumbs down for Kylo Ren lie
JRS (1 year ago)
i'm surprised they didn't make the straight line block a pre-order bonus DLC
JunDageki (1 year ago)
By the way, i'm learning coding games and designs, the first and most basic thing to learn that they teach you is Tetris, it's literally the first step before going to anything "advance" which is fucking pacman. they fucked something that is far more basic than pacman.
jbee02 (1 year ago)
This makes me appreciate puyo puyo tetris on the switch even though it was a bit overpriced
Ten Fivesmiths (1 year ago)
7:16 But, Jim, that's not the gaming industry. That's all industry. That's capitalism(tm)!
David Taylor (1 year ago)
I remember a time when devs like Naughty Dog, RareWare, FromSoftware, Midway Games (RIP), and RockStar took glorious care of their games. Barely any glitches, few poorly received titles and best of all iconic characters! Nathan Drake and Scorpion come to mind a lot. What have we become?
Ryanmiller70 (1 year ago)
One of my friends took a game design class in high school his senior year and one of the games they were tasked to make was Tetris. If high school students can make Tetris and have it work, what's these fuckers' excuse?
Siddo Ravioli (1 year ago)
I watched this video while playing Puyo Puyo Tetris. It's actually a wonderful game. Perfect performance. A ton of content. Online play and a charming and loveable cast of characters from the awesome Puyo Puyo universe
Seneca Gray (1 year ago)
"Kylo Ren > Darth Vader" Honestly, I believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I can't see why anyone would like Kylo Ren (or, as I call him, Darth Tantrum) as a villain.
Artur Araújo (1 year ago)
He literally killed his father. How more villany does it get?
Seneca Gray (1 year ago)
I'd rather by an original model game boy and a Tetris cart than pay an annual fee for largely the same game.
Revo Blam (1 year ago)
im more concerned over how fucking bad you are at playing tetris, really dude fucking up at making tetris is a thing but fucking up at PLAYING tetris is unconcivable.
Ian Colter Tkach (1 year ago)
11:10 It's incredibly gratifying to look back at this after a year and a half and realize that nope, Konami is still coming up with new ways to be absolute shite.
Random Ashe (1 year ago)
Surely the AAA gaming industry has to collapse at some point. The costs are always increasing but the quality is decreasing. That is objectively unsustainable.
Arntonach (1 year ago)
Don't forget, when Ubisoft got the rights to make Tetris Ultimate, they made every other Tetris game get delisted. Yes, even Nintendo's Virtual Console versions. Thank god for Puyo Puyo Tetris.
BigWinner9001 (1 year ago)
Arntonach, I love ppt and I didn't know about that. D:
TheCorniestLemur (1 year ago)
Jim, if you like TFA, I am disgusted by the fact that you haven't done a Jimquisition intro in one of those Kylo Ren voice changing masks. Do it. Please.
Zyrchin (1 year ago)
Hahaha back when you thought Fuckonami News was going to end ever.
Happy birthday, nearly a year and half too late!
romeinprogress (1 year ago)
"...Ubisoft made lightning shit itself twice..." The wordsmith of our age.
Invader TAK (1 year ago)
At least Puyo Puyo Tetris is hitting the West on PS4 (physical only no thanks to Ubisoft) and Switch (both physical and digital thanks to Sega beating Ubisoft to the Switch) at the end of the month.
magicrainbow aids (1 year ago)
Wtf kind of dlc are gonna add to Tetris pay 20 bucks get a new shape .
Sellador (1 year ago)
Tsrif Tsal (1 year ago)
It's adorable going back over this and seeing Jim optimistically say that it could be the end of Fuck Konami News *insert cackle*
Nexus (1 year ago)
this video has only become more and more true as time goes on. a year later battlefield one is now losing everyone cause its boring. there is no skill anymore cause everybody has to be able to do everything without dedication and practice. bf1 had a 100 million dollar budget. this level of cost is fucking astronomical. nobody wants games to cost so much. nobody wants games to have huge budgets that set up the game to fail and the games industry to get shittier. bf1 is now failing. a battlefield game is failing. the player count has shot itself in the head and people are not buying the dlc the game needs them to buy to be worth it for ea. the newest cod is s bad that they wont release player counts for mw remastered and iw is dead as well. nobody plays it. pc version is a cobweb filled empty house really. nobody. indie games are so popular now because indie devs dont work with ridiculous requirements and dont have to adhere to bland standards. they make the games they want to make not the ones that ceo's who have no fucking clue want. and most of all the games treat people with respect. that they can learn how to do things like they are adults.
BigWinner9001 (1 year ago)
Nexus *Bravo!!!*
J T (1 year ago)
Hudson was AMAZING with Tetris, through both Party and Axis. The really rich part of this is that Hudson-owned and Nintendo-owned Tetris games were yanked from the 3DS e-shop around the same time as Ultimate became current.
Jack Hart (1 year ago)
When a version of the game from 1988 through an emulator is better than an official Steam release.
Chiaki Not-A-Meme (1 year ago)
"How do you fuck up Tetris?" .......
PlatinumNoodles INC (1 year ago)
because that's what the world needed, we need Bomberman to be edgy. It could of been a good game, but it didn't even do that, the game sucked.
PlatinumNoodles INC (1 year ago)
4:46 Might as well add a subscription service to solitaire... oh wait. Ok so at this point console, and PC might as well have a subscription service for there interface.
BigWinner9001 (1 year ago)
Smooth crayon lol
PlatinumNoodles INC (1 year ago)
Can't wait to see them fuck up pong. When they do, I will then wait to see them fuck up tenis for two.
anik monette (1 year ago)
Tetris was the game who made me realized I was near sighted... Still, one of the best game I've played ; )
MineBoom (1 year ago)
This is why Ubisoft and EA should go bankrupt and give all their Tetris rights to Sega.
They are stubborn and stupid enough to make millions and millions of dollarinos each month.
MineBoom (1 year ago)
Why go bankrupt? Because they won't give it up otherwise. Yes, I betcha they are that stubborn and stupid.
ECL28E (1 year ago)
The difference between the Ubisoft and EA Tetris is... Ubisodt's problem was merely technical. EA was outright malicious
Dolan Schäfer (1 year ago)
ffs, nobody mention pong(tennis for two) to them!! just imagine, pong:go, "purchase crates for new paddle skins giving you a speed, power, or curve boost"!! hahahahahha!!
LockeRobster (1 year ago)
I thought Jim's Birthday was 25th December 0000
Nisnast (1 year ago)
I actually liked Arkham Knight...
Nisnast (1 year ago)
I agree, the batmobile was used way too much.
92Beyo (1 year ago)
The stupid, overused Batmobil shooting galery.
Nisnast (1 year ago)
I didn't buy the DLC, played it on PS4 and what's that about World of Tanks?
92Beyo (1 year ago)
So you like overpriced Season pass nonsense, porting disasters and world of tanks nonsense?
Fluffy Gutts (1 year ago)
Cool we have the same birthday, but Im a year older lol God made me first then fixed all his mistakes and make you next ;-)
themutantlizard (1 year ago)
You had one job Ubisoft ONE JOB bitches!
SafetySkull (1 year ago)
Also anyone wanting to play tetris should download "Nulpomino". Really nice tight tetris game with plenty of variety and customisation.
SafetySkull (1 year ago)
Ryan the Sergal (1 year ago)
It'd be funny if it weren't so pathetic...oh what the heck i'll laugh anyway!
elmohead (1 year ago)
Will I need a titan xxx and an i9 16-core processor to run tetris?
pnp072000 (11 months ago)
elmohead The jokes on you, you need an i9 18 core lol. I'm from the future where Intel cannibalized it's Xeon line of CPUs in order to fake "one up" AMD. Spoiler alert, it won't work.
Sparky KMAS (1 year ago)
elmohead u also need a military grade supercomputer
:D Guppy (1 year ago)
oh ubisoft...
BigWinner9001 (1 year ago)
*:D Guppy* you sir just predicted the future!!!
ricojes (1 year ago)
the hottest new extra featured on jimquisition!
When your version of Tetris pales in comparison to the Philips CDi version, you really need to go back to the drawing board.
Arcduck (1 year ago)
Sounds familiar... Game crash anyone?
Xell1987 (1 year ago)
Kylo Ren > Darth Vader? Come on Jim...
Aaron Cates (1 year ago)
This man is brilliant.
njd;ojvkljvj (1 year ago)
When he said it was burned into the screen I thought he was exaggerating, I didn't even know that was a thing that could happen. Holy fuck.
Tomi (1 year ago)
didnt know this was possible...I played Tetris ultimate on ps4.Frame rate was ok.But the music and...less features than the Tetris on NDS ,that was a fucking disgrace
TacticalBigBoss (1 year ago)
jim before i start watching this video again for the 100th time while playing league of legends.. let me just say that i got youtube red because of you.. i wanted to listen to your rants while i was at work and i didn't want to kill my phone battery so fast lol
Drew Peacock (1 year ago)
Who ever is playing Tetris is so bad it hurts to watch
Drew Peacock (1 year ago)
Jim ur a saint

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