Full Article - http://bhandbs.com/?p=1012
Dealing with someone's emotional baggage and lover history is never easy, especially when that person is your significant other or love interest. I am only speaking from the straight guy's perspective here since that's the only legitimate point of view I could honestly provide. Let's paint a scenario here, your girlfriend casually tells you about a past sex story she found to be hilarious, but she actually means well since this is a story she has probably told to majority of her girl friends and hopes you will be able to look past it as much as she has, being someone important in her life she feels comfortable around. Unfortunately, you haven't gone passed the image seared in your brain of your current girlfriend getting railed by some guy you never met and it's starting to boil your blood. This has to be a common mistake for easily majority of guys, I wish I had a statistic to back this up but I would put all my money on 99% of guys getting butt hurt over your significant other's past sex stories, and I am no less innocent then that 99%.
Year's ago (at least 8) I was easily offended by any young lady's sex life stories, reacting with a negative shaming tone when in reality I should've felt blessed they trusted me enough to even tell me such personal stories. At that time I was basing this standard of "how a woman should be" on society's idea so when in my eyes a girl stepped out of line and explored her sexual freedom I responded with horror and disgust, you may recognize this reaction as I believe the feminists coined the term "slut shaming". Looking back at my reaction then to how I am now is polar opposite and I'm happy to have turned over a new leaf mostly because I have pinpointed the source of my former reactions to low self esteem and high ego and I believe that 99% are guilty of the same weaknesses.
I'll go much more in depth of course in this video but I feel like I'm on to something here just let me know if you all resonate with this or not.
Intro Music: Dream Daze by The Heavy Heads
Intro Motion Graphics by Rafael Portillo:
I respect your P.O.V and for some people this issue is an egotistical view and could be seen as an insecurity, but not all.
I'm in my 40s, recently divorced and don't expect to meet the Virgin Mary.
But I do have do have pretty high standards when it comes to a partners past, is this conceived as egotistical?
I don't have any insecurities relative to a partners past or many things to be fair.
I respect women who have respected themselves that's all. Peace.
Anyone else jus wish they would’ve had sex with more people before meeting her🤦♂️like damm after I lost my virginity I could’ve fucked sooo many girls,but I’m loyal,fuuuck she has a lot of luggage,there’s pics,like 8 guys thas been in that,ion care about her lesbian past cause🤷🏽♂️all I know is I got good dick game and I wanna pass it on but can’t cause I’d feel guilty for cheating
I needed to hear this, I've been suffering from this mind set and its held me back a lot, been watching many others for sometime now and your the first to highlight/explain this in a thoughtful positive manner to help guys move forward, many others actually make it worse, fuelling the negativity, thanks.
Guys I am recovering from Retroactive Jealousy (the issue that the guys watching the video are suffering). I was close to losing control and being a mess and pushing my wife away by judging her eventhough she loves me to the moon and back.
When the video tape of what you think they were like in bed, how he was with her, how she acted etc, is your brain trying to protect you buy pushing her away. I was a mess, So i read a book on how to write out my thoughts. trust me it sounds cheesy but it works. I gave a voice to my bad irrational thoughts. Then I made sure i saw a psychologist. I know its not cheap but they gave me stuff for cognitive behavioral therapy. How to reprogram my brain when the thoughts of images and videos would play in my head
It has been beyond helpful. but i was honest with the psychologist. You have to accept that its an ego thing. We all dont want to get hurt because we are nice guys but we have to be realistic, put our egos in check. and control our low self esteem. Stick your chest out. look people in the eye, command respect and act strong and brave. Like a lion.
i know what you guys are going through, its horrific very tough stuff and it could ruin relationships and marriages.
Hope you all find peace. and thanks for the video Bro Hugs.
You’re basically blaming the victim. I’m sorry, but no man or woman who loves and respects their current partner would share about how amazing an ex was in bed or provide details that are unnecessary to a basic story of an ex. Honesty my ass. Those are things that do not need to be shared. If they’re still talking about it maybe they should go back to the ex.
I read all these comments & we all have the same issue & I don't feel alone that much anymore. I've been on & off with my gf for 5 years & she has had sex with 12 men including me. & most of them weren't on a relationship basis tbh. & some were because I neglected her & hurt her. But I still judge her & it still bothers me. I've cheated on her & done wrong to her & to my knowledge she hasn't cheated on me ever & when everything is good she rlly takes care of me but it's just annoying how much this shit bothers me. I have been with more women than her.. at this point I don't remember how many but maybe twice as many as her but I need to get over this. Would be cool if someone would reply to give their opinion or insight on my situation. Thanks
my girlfriends (23) me (26)I'm no more innocent than she is. I've had more partners but she had a 3 sum 2 girls 1 guy, and she knowing let a guy sleep with her twice while he had a girlfriend. she had been a loyal woman to a guy for 5 years and he continuously cheated on her and she never cheated on him. After the break up she was in a dark place and did things she said she regrets like hooking up with a taken man and having a bad 3 sum experience. It bugs me because the dude was her brother in laws half brother and he may be around in the future (the guy who has the gf). She is very loving and sweet to me, she always supports me and does things for me no other woman has done before, I usually focus on my goals and get back on track. Since I learned about her hooking up with a taken man I feel like she might cheat on me even tho she has no record of being a cheater. maybe she finally let that dude sleep with her because she was hurt by what her boyfriend did and she just wanted to be on the other side of the picture for once, however she learned quickly after sobering up and thinking about it that it wasn't who she wanted to be. It just fucking hurts me man, you think someone's perfect and they seem so innocent. You must realize everyone is at least slightly flawed. I'm no better than her I instigated a women to break up with her man of 12 years just so I could sleep with her. I've had sex with a drunk foreign exchange student who wasn't really coherent. I fucked my ex as soon as she got with her new boyfriend. I am beyond perfect so I need to stop judging and man up and realize I don't meet my own expectations so why should she always meet mine? especially since it was before me. I love her and I just found out about her past yesterday so it's fresh but I'm getting through it with logical thinking and manning up (confidence). I told her I thank her for trusting me and I'm going to do my best to try and get past this feeling I'm having. I told her I won't play games or string her a long, but I don't know if i can mentally do this right now. I have had a bad up bringing and abdonment issues as well so I was already rocky to begin with. I have hooked up with a couple girls while we were together but I paid for my service(so no relationship just sex) because her sexual appetite was less than mine (or maybe I just was giving my attention else where because now she is as horny as me since I gave her my attention more in a sexual way). I have completely stopped doing that as I was becoming incapable of being with other women the more I fell in love with my gf. I'm writing my wrongs on YouTube because it's helping me clear my head (I really need a journel) lol
sounds like you can't trust her cos you can't trust yourself and you're not ok with yourself which makes sense when you explained towards the end that you cheated on her with prostitutes. Cheating will always end up biting you in the ass, as it destroys trust, even if she never finds out, it will make you question her because you can't even trust yourself. I recommend you focus on self love to calm these incessant thoughts.
Everything this guy said is so true and literally hurts that it's true, respect bro you made me think a lot about this and how I need to let go. Now she's with me and she loves me I need to accept that I've made her the happiest out of all her past relationship and flings, I'm the best in bed according to her. I trust her and you've made me realise that I need to let go. we're both young (19) and her previous things probably don't mean anything to her.
Yeah, I love laughing with my girl about the hundred dudes that she let bang her in Vegas. Its not low self esteem and its not insecurity broman, those are women's taglines. If its dating and you don't love her who gives a shit. But if you fall hard and your looking for wife material your morals and judgements are there for a reason and it helps you weed out the filth. A girls past is her present. If you have a high moral standard keep that, solid bros like that deserve class. It takes strength to realize it and own your makeup, weakness is lowering your standard and changing.
Actually the only realization that gave courage to overcome my actual gf, is to know that may be in some point we're gonna break. So, I'm just bitching without necesity. Also, why the fuck you need to resist something you don't want to lift? I mean... even you like this or that girl, you don't really need to be bitching about her life. Focus on yours instead.
i swear my situation is so small and stupid but it bothers me. she hasnt have a real life bf but she's talked to guys online and sent pics to them which bothers me so much and i try not to but it gets to me and idk what to do because i hate knowing she was sexting with someone else😔
I married girl who had lot sex experience.. After 5 years it still sometimes jump from time to time in my head (disturbing images ).. I have 3 years kid with her ( who looks like me 100% ) and she is very loyal to me.. But still sometimes i get fucked up, reason why i watch this video :( .
Damn.. Legit watch this once or twice a week just to get my head back on track
This sounds crazy but i'm 20 and my girlfriends 30.. she was my first at 19, its crazy because she looks younger then me!... but shes had sex with 16 guys and had a one night stand and i felt sick in my stomach and i felt left out, insecure, and i NEVER believe her when shes says how much she really really loves me and that all those guys in the past were just nobody's to her but i always feel off about it. She is an AMAZING girl with good values and stuff but i mean what do you guys reckon, 1 one night stand at 28 is that really so bad, she said she did it because shes never done it and wanted the adventure and said she didn't enjoy it.. Would love some opinions as this shit is driving me fucking insane!!!!
bro im in the same boat, im dating a girl whos 30, and im 20, she looks way younger too haha. but she dated some dude for 6 years since she was 20 then at 26 - 30 ive never even wanted to ask what happened in those 4 years before she met me. she told me a few stories and they just get me so bummed. best thing is just to not think or ask about it the less you know the better technically
your analysis of the guys behaviour is quite spot on but the reasoning that it is a guys ego is not accurate. guys want girls who respect themselves enough to not sleep around or have relationships that were purely sexually based. it's about respect and a moral standard. a man doesn't need a freak in the sheets, a guy needs a girl with who doesn't open her legs unless there is love involved.
Haha this mindset formed for me mostly because I've heard the craziest stories MULTIPLE times from the most innocent and non trashy girls you would expect, it just helps to accept we all have this baggage and there is nothing we can do about someone else's.
If you listened closely to my video you'll understand this bad taste in your mouth from your GF's past all comes back to you and your insecurities, and usually (not always) leads to her loss of attraction for you so be careful.
Bro Hugs & Back Slaps thanks for replying. I hear u n respect your POV. Nothing wrong with being a horny monkey, but doesn't mean you have to sleep with every guy or girl u date. if 2 people love each other, it makes the experience wholesome. I suppose this topic is subjective. what I was looking for is a deep philosophical reason or strategy to get over your partners sexual promiscuity in the past, so that one can move forward with the relationship. bur if u r dating for the sake of, or just for the fuck, then be a monkey 😆😅, just kidding.
Some guys only want that sure not going to argue that.
My POV is that women are a bunch of horny monkeys like us, so why worry about minor things like that, unless you have some insecurities and can't handle accepting that the girl you're dating fucked plenty of other dudes before you. IF she sees you get butt hurt over petty shit like that she'll tell you what you want to hear if that makes you feel better.
My situation is that she's 6 yrs older than me and she's my first... but she's had lots of experience... I mean, if she wasn't my first I prolly wouldn't give a fuck cuz I'd feel even... I mean, I could fuck some people but I'm with her and I won't fuck anybody while with her... she's telling me these things about the dude and what not but I fuckin that's my mind cuz I overthink... she said she didn't like it but I think up more and other aspects or perspectives of the situations... I'm trying to be better at dealing with this shit but i am insecure... I am jealous... and I am way too ducking aware... this kinda helped and got me even more aware...
Chris J I hope the best for you mate. As for me... well, we broke up... this is also considering the factor that she's 14000km away and she had been thinking about starting a family and her religion... all of which I couldn't meet her standards... sucks but that's how life goes.
DrewYetti DrewYetti true that but an unconditional love is loving someone regardless of what they have done in the past it's not saying they don't have to try but there is no women who owe us anything just like you don't owe a woman anything , but everyone has a past , a story that they are embarrassed about maybe she was promiscuous maybe you were a player getting hoes everyday an unconditional love is loving the other person regardless of their past ,if you don't want to be with a girl who has a past you don't have too but plenty of women have one so it's hard to avoid just accept and realize they're with you and if they didn't want to they wouldn't be just like if you don't want to be with them you can leave
+BIGAARON100 unconditional love? Meaning men have to love women regardless, even if they have a reputation of being promiscuous. While at the same time men have to work hard to earn women's approval for love? If a woman want a man to love her, then she has to work hard to prove why she is a woman worth loving. Love is earned not gained!
that's the problem with relationships it's not about male or female privilege it's about treating the person you love like a human being who makes mistakes and has fucked up and has grown learned from them ,just like humans are known to do, I don't think this is about privilege but advice on how to handle the situation, if you get into it, and understand how to react calm and mature so that you don't look like a jealous ass and I know because I've done it before , we can't grow as a people until we lay this privilege shit to bed it's not privilege it's unconditional love
That was your very interesting article, here are a few more tips on how to get a guy to like you:
Know yourself - Many people don’t attract what really fulfils them because they don’t really know what they want and like. If you don’t really know yourself, you won’t recognize your soul mate. Get honest with yourself about what you really value and appreciate in your life. The more honest you are about your values, principles and beliefs, the more you will open yourself up to attracting a life partner who's also your soul mate.
Be yourself - Take an inventory of your life to see if you're following the pack or following your heart. If you know what you really need and want in a mate but settle for what you're told you "should" want, then you'll never be truly fulfilled. The more you can be yourself, the more you will attract partnerships that are really right for you.
Live your true resonance - To attract your soul mate, it isn't enough just to be yourself. You need to surround yourself with what you love and do, and participate in activities that reflect your authentic self. Go to places that really interest you and bring you joy. We attract by resonance. The more resonance we have in our lives, the more we attract people who “match us,” our likes, activities and lifestyle.
Be a whole person - If you're living from a place of wholeness, you will attract whole people, rather than another half that's looking to be completed. You don’t want to be completed in a relationship. You want to be complemented. Your soul mate should be equal to you, not below or above you.
(I learned about these and more from Avyanna Attract Tactic site )
should i take relationship less serious bro??? should i reduce my amount emotion in the relationship ..???. or should i not love her that the way i would have loved her if she was a virgin??? please, I'd be very much happy if reply.
There's no one right or wrong for every relationship but pretending to not have emotion in a relationship has never ended well for me personally. She'll respect you more for letting her see that side of you. But is all this confusion because she's wasn't a Virgin prior to you???
+Amir Yusoff That was the sole purpose of this channel glad it's achieving my initial goal. I don't want to be a mentor or tell people how to run their lives I just want to talk man to man and share my views and feed off of my followers as well
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